I haven’t told you the entire story about my demise at work. It can be summed up in a simple word: MUCK.
MUCK (actual word has been changed to protect the innocent) is a new style of “dextrous” software development that allows the owners of a company to make more money in less time with less people. “The Holy Grail” if you will.
MUCK is named after a poker term that means “a discarded hand” (analogy changed to protect the guilty). The concept of MUCK is that the company discards all of the costly parts of a project, like writing out a design for the software, thinking about a project plan before implementing it and writing it down so you remember the plan, writing down defects you find in the software, etc. Also, you can save money by discarding all extraneous office stuff like cube walls, desks, and doors in exchange for cheap tables and folding chairs from the local wholesale store. The main concept of MUCK is “self-directed” teams. Everyone is equal (except the Mucker – see below). People just grab tasks and do them. An entire team sits at the cheap table, and instead of thinking things through and documenting a plan, they strap on their rubber boots and all jump together into the muddy, mucky mess of the loosely defined project. If you have an idea, issue, or concern, you just say it to the team right there. They all stop working, listen, and address your problem right there. No fuss. No muss. Together the teammates squirm, wade, wallow, wrestle, and duke it out for who gets the fun tasks and who gets the grunt work, while constantly interrupting each other with issues and concerns. The owner of the company (or other super important higher-up) appoints a Mucker. The Mucker doesn’t do any actual work on the project itself. He or she stands back and makes sure that the fist fights between the ‘equal’ team members don’t get so out of control that someone can claim worker’s comp. The Mucker part of the methodology especially saves money because the company no longer has to pay those costly project manager, technical lead, and department manager salaries.
Well, being QA (often seen as those who aren’t smart enough to be programmers), I was pretty sure that I would not victoriously emerge as a Mucker, nor would I get any good tasks. Sure enough, only programmers were appointed Muckers. Also, since I don’t write code, I was pretty sure I would get the grunt-work tasks. I’d be known as a Mucksucker. I didn’t really want to be a Mucksucker. I’d been promoted twice over the last 4 and a half years and really worked hard to implement some successful ideas. I didn’t want to throw those things away. I didn’t want to be equal to the guy who was just demoted because he wasn’t doing well at his job. Why would people do a good job and work hard if there is no reward for it? Integrity or work ethic you say? You obviously haven’t been working in the corporate world over the last 6 years, or watching the news, or buying gas, or maybe you just live in The Netherlands…
Anyhow (I got off track there), I didn’t think MUCK was going to work. I just felt that the idea was perhaps not entirely well thought out for the future. Just imagine with me for a moment. You are working in your job, whatever you do. There is noone in charge. You and all of your co-workers have to agree what work there is to do. You all have to agree on who will do what. You all have to sit in the same room together – even the sweaty guy and the girl who uses her desk phone and a really loud voice to make her gyno appointments. Any of these people (even Egomaniac Ernie, Ass-Kisser Alice, and Chatty Cathy) can interrupt you at any time and you have to respond. I’m thinking that in a really wonderful world, optimistically speaking, 1 in 25 people reading this might not see a problem with it. Since only 2 people read this blog, I’m pretty sure you all are horrified at the images you’ve conjured up in your mind’s eye.
I broached these fears with my manager – who in a truely uninspired managerial moment – promptly did nothing. I broached it with my managers’ manager and he fired me. He said that I no longer fit into the “direction of the company.” (Mom is an HR person. She told me later that this is called “Constructive Termination” and that is what I should put on my unemployment claim. She assured me they’d know exactly what it meant. She was right. Wow, these days there are succinct fancy terms for every situation!)
I guess he is right. I don’t fit into this company and I never really did. To me, a job isn’t just for money. It is 40+ hours a week for most of my life. For me, a job needs to be mentally stimulating and produce a physical product that is somewhat positive to at least two people in the world (10 would be better, but I am realistic). Also, I would like the job to move forward in responsibilities. Moving backward in responsibility seems..oh.. NOT productive or satisfying. Additionally, I would like to work for someone secure enough in their own ideas, and caring enough about his or her company to know the employees well enough to listen to them and help them solve their fears, rather than firing them on the spot when they say something that bruises the ego a little.
I know, I know, I’m such a naive fool, a spoiled brat. I’m lucky I can afford to even have a blog! Half the people out there didn’t even get the opportunity to get an education that included the word “blog.” Quit my whining!
I just can’t help it. I’m an uninspired, middle-class American.