Is it unprofessional to impersonate a zucchini at work?

Somewhere between South East 52nd Street and South West First Street the lid slipped off of the container of my delectable and healthy home-made vegetable soup.

I discovered this after switching buses. Upon sitting down, I looked at my lap and a giant wet stain covered each thigh. As I was digging through my bag to try and replace the lid of the soup container, the lid popped off of another container and my very healthy chicken breast, pan-fried in olive oil, sailed in an arc away from me and landed with a noisy *thwap* on the bus floor. I scrambled to collect the chicken breast and in the process knocked over my, fortunately empty, cup of coffee. It was at this point, that I realized I should not have left the house today.

I arrived at my destination, walked across the building, and rode the elevator to the office, all the while doing great gyrations to try to (unsuccessfully) hide the large vegetable stains on my pants. (Did I mention that the soup was tomato-based?) This is probably why the security guard who never says anything to me, said “Hello…” in a suspicious voice and watched me closely as I gyrated my way toward the elevator. Half an hour and a whole roll of paper towels later, I managed to clean up most of the cracks and crevasses of my bag, purse, notebook, picture frames, mp3 player, insurance card, FSA receipts, notebooks, banjo tab books, pedometer, sunglasses, Hello Kitty mint container, various lipsticks and balms, saline nasal spray, 100 calorie individual serving popcorn bags (unpopped), calendar, blueberries, two finger puppets, carton of half and half … well, you get the point. I carry a lot of stuff in that bag.

As I type this, my slightly mismatched but fun all green outfit has dried and there is only minimal stainage on my left thigh. I reek of vegetable soup. I smell salty and savory — Eau de Légume. In fact, I look and smell very much like the zucchini that won the giant squash competition at the county fair last year. I work in a casual work environment, but does casual include looking and smelling like a giant zucchini?

Happy Monday Everyone!

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